5. Having unrealistic expectations
Having too many or too high of expectations in a relationship isn’t healthy. Of course, everyone wants to be treated like royalty, but eventually you have to come to terms with the fact that your dreams of growing up to be a princess may never come true. “This is behavior that tends to create our own misery,” Olver says. “People need to learn to trust each other to be the persons they’ve shown us they are.”
Meredith, a collegiette from Ohio University, says she’s had this problem in her relationship. “In my relationship, the times I’ve been most disappointed are when I expect something from my boyfriend,” she says. “It could be something as simple as a compliment on my new dress or flowers on Valentine’s Day. But I’ve learned it’s best to not have expectations, so when he does something sweet, it’s a surprise, which makes it so much better!”
You’re setting your significant other and yourself up for frustration if you expect too much out of him or her. “We often have a picture of the ‘perfect’ guy in our heads, and we want our current boyfriend to live up to this standard,” Olver says. “We trust him to be this perfect person, and when he falls short, we blame him.”
It’s better for you to be realistic about what you expect out of your significant other and be honest to him or her about it. Hoping for the occasional spontaneous gesture is one thing, but expecting a hot air balloon ride over a beautiful mountain range might be a bit of a stretch. It’s more important to hold yourself equally accountable to your partner and appreciate the little things.
Of course, no one is perfect, and it’s too easy to slip into these bad habits. However, for the sake of communicating honestly and preserving the sanity of our significant others, it’s time we start saying and doing what we really mean and cut out these bad behaviors. You deserve to speak your mind, you both deserve to be happy and you certainly don’t want to send your SO off running.